ADHD: Chaos & Community with Heather Lowry
EPISODE 5
ADHD: Chaos & Community with Heather Lowry
Show Notes:
Episode Title: ADHD: Chaos & Community with Heather Lowry
Host: Tony Babcock
Guest: Tynomi Banks
Episode Overview
What if everything you’ve been calling anxiety, disorganization, or “just how you are” was actually your ADHD — and no one ever caught it?
ADHD coach and founder of ADHD Productivity Co, Heather Lowry, sits down with Tony Babcock in one of the most personal, practical, and validating episodes of In the Spotlight yet. From a spiral over wall paint colors to building an 85,000-person community, Heather’s story — and her tools — are for every woman who has quietly wondered: what is wrong with me?
The answer, it turns out, is nothing. The wiring is just different.
About Heather Lowry
Heather Lowry is an ADHD coach, speaker, and founder of ADHD Productivity Co. She holds a Masters degree in Psychology and Applied Behavioral Analysis, was diagnosed with ADHD at 37, and has spent over a decade helping women understand, navigate, and leverage their neurodiverse brains. Her Facebook community has grown to over 85,000 followers, with a private women’s group of nearly 14,000 members.
Find her: Heather Lowry • Facebook Group: The Cozy Corner: A Safe Space for Late-Diagnosed ADHD Women
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
Why ADHD in women looks so different — and why so many go undiagnosed for decades
What “chaos isn’t a flaw, it’s a clue” means and how to apply it
The 37-tabs brain problem and a 3-minute brain dump strategy that creates real mental breathing room
Why ADHD isn’t a focus problem — it’s an “attention to WHAT” problem
What Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is and how to break the spiral in 4 steps
Why the ADHD energy pendulum isn’t a personal failure — and how to work with it
Why lowering the bar might be the most productive thing you do this year
Standout Quote
“You aren’t broken. You just need the tools and strategies to leverage your brain. Your brain is brilliant. It’s beautifully wired.” — Heather Lowry |
Episode Highlights
The Paint Color Spiral
Heather’s “moment of truth” wasn’t dramatic — it was sitting on the floor, crying over what color to paint her walls, surrounded by piles of paper, wondering why something so simple felt impossible. It was the moment she stopped blaming herself and started looking for answers. Her son’s psychiatrist said it first: “This really sounds like ADHD.” And everything clicked.
“Chaos Isn’t a Flaw, It’s a Clue”
This is Heather’s signature framework — and it reframes everything. ADHD brains don’t filter chaos the way neurotypical brains do. All four cylinders run at once, all the time. The chaos you’re experiencing isn’t a character flaw. It’s information. It’s your brain saying: I need different tools, not a personality transplant.
The 37-Tabs Problem
Your brain is carrying 20 grocery bags and won’t put a single one down — because it’s terrified of forgetting. Heather’s solution: take 3 minutes, write every open loop onto paper. That paper becomes a parking lot. Your brain can finally let go — because the ideas aren’t lost, they’re just parked.
The RSD Live Exercise
Tony shares his RSD trigger: sending a heartfelt text and getting a thumbs-up back. His nervous system goes into freefall. Heather walks him through her 4-step reset in real time: recognize the RSD cycle → pause and interrupt → reconnect your thinking brain → engage your body’s calming systems. One of the most immediately practical moments in the episode.
“You’re Not Broken”
Heather’s final words close the episode exactly as it deserves to end: with earned, grounded hope. Not a platitude. A clinical fact. Your brain is beautifully wired. And if you can learn to work with it instead of against it, life gets sweeter.
In This Episode
03:23 – Meet Heather Lowry
05:00 – The Paint Color Spiral: A Moment of Truth
09:31 – Getting Diagnosed (And Why It Felt Like Relief)
11:00 – Growing Up Undiagnosed: The Masking Years
14:26 – From Diagnosis to Coaching Women
17:28 – Building an 85,000-Person Community
20:19 – Chaos Isn’t a Flaw, It’s a Clue
23:36 – Frozen on the Couch (And Why It’s Not Laziness)
25:08 – The #1 Thing Women with ADHD Do to Make Life Harder
26:15 – The 37-Tabs Problem & the Brain Dump Strategy
33:15 – ADHD, Marriage & the All-ADHD Household
38:36 – “Everyone’s a Little ADHD” — Setting the Record Straight
40:45 – The Energy Pendulum & Its Emotional Toll
47:37 – Hot Seat Lightning Round
53:15 – Live RSD Exercise in Real Time
Want to Go Deeper?
Read the full blog post: [link to full EP.5 blog post]
It expands on Heather’s chaos-as-a-clue framework, the RSD reset process, and what it actually means to stop fighting your own brain.
If this episode resonated, share it with someone who might be quietly questioning their life too.
And remember: You always have a choice — to go within, to listen, and to own your spotlight.
Resources Mentioned in this Episode
Guest Resources:
Heather Lowry’s ADHD Community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1bKZo8y2ro/
Connect with Tony Babcock
Instagram: @tonybabcockofficial
TikTok: @tony.babcock
Facebook: Tony Babcock Official
LinkedIn: Tony Babcock
Main Website: tonybabcock.com
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